


Cosmic Joke

by mrv3000



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-26
Updated: 2010-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-19 17:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrv3000/pseuds/mrv3000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor's not laughing after an unfortunate run-in with Jackie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cosmic Joke

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to shinyopals for the beta!

"Oh, stop being such a prat." Jackie stood behind the Doctor, her hands on her hips.

The Doctor gave the bed one last shove against the far wall of the hotel room. "If a bed isn't bolted down, that means it's movable. Which means, obviously, it _moves_. And the energy on this side of the room is...beneficial. It's science-y. You wouldn't understand."

"Seriously?" Rose asked, absently throwing pillows back on the bed after they'd been jostled off.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Yes."

Rose and Jackie rolled their eyes in unison, which was slightly disturbing if he was honest.

The door to the room swung open and a very drenched Pete Tyler plodded in. "It's getting bad out there," he said, shaking off his coat.

Jackie tutted and hauled him into the bathroom, hopefully to dry him off, while informing him of her success at getting Tony an overnight sitter.

Rose flopped down on the bed and the Doctor sat next to her with a bounce. "Do you think that's far enough now?" the Doctor asked. "Their bed and our bed?"

"Hmmm. Not sure," Rose said with a smirk. She bumped him with her shoulder. "Come on, it's not that bad. Yeah, it's a bit weird, but we should be able to get out of here tomorrow. And I know for a fact that you've spent nights in way worse places."

"I'm starting to suspect that the hotel isn't really full, and the person behind the desk was just having a laugh."

Rose nodded. "And the fact that we're out in the middle of nowhere is just a lie."

"Now you're getting it!"

"The rain, the stalled-out car - it's just all some cosmic joke to make you sleep in the same room as your in-laws."

Pete reappeared, now only wearing boxers and a vest.

"Yup," the Doctor muttered. "Cosmic joke."

 

*

The Doctor woke up groggy and slightly disoriented. It took him a moment to remember the hotel room, and the reason for the hotel room, and that he was Not Alone, but in a disturbing way rather than an epic way. And he had to use the loo.

On his trip back he heard some rustling in the dark, but didn't give it another thought until he plowed straight into someone.

"Oof!"

"OI!"

The Doctor sprang back, his body involuntarily jerking and his hand _very_ voluntarily rubbing against his side. Scrubbing, really. He had touched _something_. He didn't want to dwell, didn't even want to think about it, but...some sort of body part of Jackie Tyler's had been in his hand. AND THERE HAD BEEN UNINTENDED CUPPING.

In a split second he'd taken a flying leap into the bed with Rose, and began burrowing underneath her. Much safer that way, and absolutely NO way of accidentally encountering any bit of Jackie.

Rose snorted awake with a "Wha?" The Doctor kept burrowing.

"Always knew you wanted a bit of this," Jackie called dryly to him.

In the darkness, Pete's voice sounded with a "What?"

"Nothing!" The Doctor shot back. "Absolutely, positively nothing! You know how the vast majority of times there's _something_? This is the complete absence of something, and by default it's _nothing_."

The Doctor felt quite successful at now being fully underneath Rose -- if only she'd stop flailing about! He had a pretty good grip around her with his arms, but her legs were still free and she was trying to use them in her cunning plot to stop being his human shield.

"Doctor, what the _hell_...?" she asked as she pushed at the bed with her foot.

"I'll explain later!" he hissed as he wrapped his legs around her legs. Right, so his shins and feet might be exposed more this way, but it was preferable to complete exposure if Rose moved.

He'd just began mentally calculating the actual percentage of exposure when the lights flicked on.

Jackie stared. Pete stared. He couldn't see her face, but could only imagine Rose was also staring...at something. Probably.

Rose cleared her throat. "He...likes to wrestle?"

Jackie snorted. "Wrestle, my arse. Of course, you know all about my arse, don't you, Doctor?"

"LALALALALALALA! I AM NOT LISTENING!"

The human shield started giggling, which was completely rude.

"Doctor?" Pete said with a sigh, "it's three in the morning. Do you think you could go for a few hours without doing... _whatever_ over there?"

"Just lying here, thanks."

Rose "ahem"-ed.

Pete rubbed his face. "Right. Could you stop? I'm tired. We're all tired. We can not talk about this in the morning at a _reasonable_ hour."

Annoyingly, Pete had a point. The Doctor loosened his grip and let Rose roll off him.

"Thank you," Pete said, flopping back on his pillow. "Jacks, lights?"

Jackie rolled her eyes and flicked off the lights, her own bed rustling as she got in.

"You've gotta admit, it's a bit funny," Rose whispered to the Doctor before kissing him on the cheek.

"I really, really don't," he whispered back.

"Oh, Doctor? One more thing," Pete called out. "Stop groping my wife."

The Doctor groaned as he heard laughter from everyone, including Rose, who was doing her very best to stifle it but failing _miserably_. Yup, complete cosmic joke.


End file.
